


Guilt

by yourboyfriendisawhatnow



Series: Human Nature [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:21:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourboyfriendisawhatnow/pseuds/yourboyfriendisawhatnow
Summary: Ashley deals with a loss, unfortunately it's right in front of her friends and family.





	Guilt

_August 4th, 2015_

The burning August sun was beating down on the small crowd of people dressed in black. The procession was quiet as an uncomfortable silence stretched over the group. Ashley stood at an altar, wiping the sweat from her brow and adjusting the small black veil on her head. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, her high heels digging painfully into her feet. Her audience watched her attentively, waiting for her to say something. She cleared her throat and squinted her eyes against the sun.

“Thank you all for coming. Today is a day of sadness for me. Many of you knew my brother, and –” she was cut off by a soft melody floating through the humidity. She turned her head around and watched as an orchestra played soft tunes for a small crowd. It occurred to her that there was some kind of festival today. Her thoughts turned once again to Justin as her gaze traveled from the orchestra to the casket placed on some bands over a hole in the ground. Ashley began to panic, her hands trembling.

“I’m sorry, everyone, I may not make it through this speech.” She began. “Most of you knew my brother, whether it was through me or through Justin personally. Throughout this entire ordeal, I was reminded of something my mother used to tell me before she passed away. She said, ‘Ashley, the best thing you can do is to remember someone who has passed on and not dwell on the loss.’ I never understood exactly what that meant until today. I realized that people die.” She stopped and took a shaky breath before continuing. “That’s a hard concept to grasp, but it’s true. People die, and they will leave you, and you will never see them again. So we need to get over it. Nothing I do or say will ever bring my brother back. The only thing I can do at this moment is remember. I came to this conclusion last night as I sat down to write this…farewell for Justin.” Ashley turned away from the crowd to watch the box that held her brother.

She turned back to the crowd, trying to stop the tears. “But I realized something else. I don’t want to remember. Because you know what? Remembering is not the same as living, but you all know that. Time is a precious thing. It will always pass by and won’t stop to give a second glance. People always say to make the most out of your time, but no one ever does. Not until they realize what little time they have left with a loved one. Then they realize everything that they haven’t done, things they haven’t said, things they haven’t asked. I can either remember my brother as the little boy I held onto when he had night terrors every night for years, or I can remember him as the sad individual he became near the end of his short life.” The crowd winced visibly at the anger in her words.

The pastor reached out to touch Ashley’s shoulder; she shook her head curtly. “I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s not fair. He was so young. The loss of my brother left a giant void in my life that I don’t think can ever be filled. No one can replace my family.” She stared sadly at the crowd. “I’m done. You can all go now.” The crowd stood up from their seats as the casket was lowered into the ground. Ashley wiped the tears from her eyes that did not stop coming. The procession filtered out one by one, each offering their condolences to Ashley as they left. She said nothing. There was nothing for her to say. The soft medley of notes coming from the nearby orchestra faded as the concert came to a close as the concert ended. The last song had finished, and the music was gone.


End file.
